Upto around 1950s,Indian society generally thought the girl child was an expensive bane in the family;
To reduce the family expenses[esp. dowry] on her to the minimum, she was giv en elementary education, and stress was laid on teaching her household duties;
There was then a mad scramble to get her married at the earliest opportunity.
Thus the daughter as compared to the son,always suffered in the family when it comes to love, affection, education and respect.
After the 50s, things improved a little for the girl child as the parents realized that educating the daughter, would improve the chances of the daughter's marriage as it would be a plus point in her favour .
However, the main thought in the family was still to get the daughter married at the earliest.
Never a thought was given about the girl pursuing a career like the boys, as the episode below illustrates.
Prof. Hariharan was an Arts professor in the Kalpati district of Kerala. the profes sor always sought good education for his children {four daughters and a son} his children were bright, clever, talent ed and hardworking;
Radha, the eldest of them all was the dar ling of her father. Radha was already a graduate by the time she crossed her tee ns. Radha had set her eyes on being a lawyer ;
her ambitions soared skywards as she imagi ned that soon after taking her law degree, she would work with an established law yer, and later branch on her own to be an independent one; practicing in the, loc al high and then supreme courts and prob ably end up as a supreme court justice or even chief justice.
Certainly Radha had laid out her career!
Unfortunately Man proposes but God disposes is an old adage ;
Unfortunately Man proposes but God disposes is an old adage ;
Prof. Seetaraman was a colleague of Hari haran; Although, he was in a Kerala coll ege, he hailed from Trichy a city in eastern Tamil Nadu. Seetaraman, was highly impre ssed with Radha;
Being a family friend, he had observed Radha closely;
Apart from above , Radha had a good chara cter and was good looking.
Seetaraman, conjured up a marraige alli ance for Radha, with non other than Raj esh, his nephew Rajesh who was working as a Chartered Accountant in Trichy. Seeta raman knew that Hariharan would readily agree since he had four daughters to be married.
Thus on a day when Hariharan was in a lighter mood, Seeta raman put forward his proposal. Hariharan was stunned but sought time to discuss it with his family. Hariharan talked to his wife about the alliance, and explained to her the need for agreeing to the proposal if the horoscopes matched;
Since they had four daughters to be marri ed there would always be a financial crunch and since the proposal came from the boy's side, the Hariharan's accepted the proposal, as the marriage expenses coming from a known friend] would be low.
When Radha heard about the proposal, from her mother she was shocked;
her attempts to convince her mother that she wanted to pursue a legal career was shot down;
her mother bluntly told her that the family finances as at present were limited, and a marriage proposal should be welcomed under the circumstances;
The wedding was at the bridegroom's home town and was celebrated with the usual pomp and fanfare.
After the honeymoon period, Radha settled down at her new home;
The slim chance, that Radha still had of pursuing a legal career evaporated when her in laws told her that her first priority would be to manage the house old affairs!
Twenty years down the line, Radha had only a girl child Radhika. Radhika seems to have taken after her mother in looks, behaviour and talent. She has completed her Chart ered Accountancy course and looked to work with one of the major Accountancy firms.
Like her mother, she also had built up huge plans for her career. She wanted to do a double docterate from Harvard or Cam bridge in Accountancy, finance [what have you] Ultimately she wanted to serve in the World Bank and become an econ omic advisor to the Central Government.
Meanwhile, Seetaraman had retired settled and down in Trichy. Seetaraman was in close touch with the Radha family .
Once again Seetaram acted as Cupid; He was interested in stringing up an alliance between Radhika and Suresh, son of an industrialist, known personally to him.
He approached the latter's family who rea dily agreed, when Seetaraman presented Radhika's credentials.
Seetaraman was delighted and told his sis ter [Lakshmi Radhika's grandmother] abo ut the proposal .
Naturally, the latter was delighted; as her grand daughter would move into an aristocratic family!
She told Radha about the proposal, and ask ed her to convey it to Radhika.
When Radhika returned home, she was all smiles, but it was for a different reason.
She hugged her mother and said " Amma I have some good news for you; Price & Waterhouse [leading Chartered Account a nt firm] have offered me A trainee job in Chennai, for two years; if they find my work satisfactory, they have promised to absorb me in their firm.
Her mother was in a big fix; She did not know, where to begin and tell her daught er, that her marriage, is being finalised.
Radhika asked, "Amma, you are not happy with what I told you? Whats wrong ?"
Radha replied, "NO, no Radhika, why shou ld I not be happy? but when do you have to send a letter of acceptance to the Com pany?"
"They have given me sufficient time Amma," Radhika replied.
"But before that you talk to your father," said Radha, "and inform him".
"I have to Amma replied Radhika; in fact we will talk together," she said.
"I have to Amma replied Radhika; in fact we will talk together," she said.
Rajesh said, "Funny, But today at dinner, I find everybody silent" ;
His mother[Lakshmi] replied "I know why, both Radha and Radhika, are shy to tell you the good news?; I will tell you Rajesh; Uncle Seetaraman has brought in good news for the family; You know Seshan Iyer, the steel magnate...? "Well, he has asked for Radika's hand for his son, Suresh. Can you imagine! Radhika will soon " move into an aristocratic house!"
"What?" shouted Radhika, "Amma, is this true?"
Rajesh said, "Congrats Radhika! If and when that happens, I am sure you will maintain our good name and reputation in your new household".
Radhika, spent sleepless nights for some time;
She knew now why her mother did not look happy, when she told her about her new job;
but she had to decide, fast for about herself; whether to take up a career or settle down in a family life;
she knew once, she gets married, her career would be as good as over.
Moreover, she had seen her mother's case [a promising lawyer in the offing give way to doing household chores like cooking] unfold before her very eyes !
She finally decided on an action plan, but kept it to herself, not even informing her mother !
After the usual formalities, The marriage date was fixed ; The marriage would be cel ebrated in a big way at a popular marriage hall in Trichy.
Since it was a magnate son's wedding, invitations were sent to prominent people in the State. Radhika, was her usual self in the days leading up to her wedding.
The wedding began in the usual way, with the bride's family inviting that of the bride groom; the bridegroom was taken on a city parade, in a decorated car, on the day pri or to the wedding, the next morning [the wedding day] began with chanting of pray ers invoking the blessings of the Gods for the health wealth and good luck for the bride and bridegroom ;
Everything seemed to go off well until the time of the muhurat;
The priests had completed their prayers, and the various formalities prior to the tiei ng of the thali[ wedding thread] were over.
Everybody in the audience, was looking forward to the tying of the knot which would end in culmination of the marriage process.
The main priest gave the clarion call to the musicians to play the wedding culmination tune. It was then that Radhika got up and spoke firmly that she will not go ahead with the marriage proceedings.
She said she was in the threshold of a great career and with marriage it would not take off. She said it was her own individual decision and she was not influenced by anybody or any event.
The reason for making the announcement at this stage was because she knew of many like her have suffered and sacrificed their careers because of marriage, and thus society should wake up and remove the injustice on girls and treat them on par with boys.
Radhika stuck to her decision, and all the desperate pleas by her relatives and friends proved of no avail.
Hell broke out during the rest of the ceremony. Short of fisticuffs and coming to blows, the choicest abuses were hurled at each other by the bridegroom and bride parties. Seetaraman, who was the match maker, bore the brunt of the abuses. He decided to move out of Trichy and settle in a small neighbouring town.
The grandmother scolded both Radha and Radhica and accused her daughter in law of supporting and encouraging Radhika to protest.
As for Radha, while she wondered if Radhi ka would ever get married,at the bottom of her heart she was happy for her daught er and in a way felt that her daughter had avenged her.
Radhika was her normal self; she felt she can now concentrate on her career now and fulfill her ambitions. She also felt that she had been a torch bearer, in getting her society to change;
she hoped many girls will follow in her footsteps and will not allow their careers to suffer for the sake of marriage !
